Category Archives: Therapy

Finding the Right Therapist

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If I were not a psychologist, I think the idea of finding the right one for me would be daunting.  In a world filled with too much info., in which everyone claims to be an expert with the magic bullet, I imagine I’d be more than a little confused.  But it doesn’t have to be this way.

While the right fit is very personal, there are some basic starting criteria that are relatively easy to look for. 

At the very least, stay clear of anyone not licensed in your state.  Anyone can call him/herself a therapist.  Sadly, this is true.  Make sure he/she is a licensed psychologist, registered social worker, or licensed psychiatrist.

Research the differences between these three disciplines.  The basic training for each is very very different.  Psychiatrists begin with medicine.  Their basic understanding is biological.  Social workers begin with an overview of society.  Psychologists begin with an understanding of individual dynamics and behaviors.  While there are individual differences, and anyone can receive post-graduate training, each discipline starts from a very different basic understanding of the human psyche.

Research the different orientations: psychodynamic, behavioral, etc. or ask the therapist to explain them.

Beyond these basic guidelines, your best research will start with the first phone call you make to your prospective therapist.  Look for these signs of Yes or No Way…

Does she call you back within a day or two?

Does  she offer you a few minutes over the phone before scheduling an appointment with you?  I always spend 10-15 minutes on the phone first.  Any reputable therapist will have no interest in wasting your time or money, or hers!  Establishing some understanding of your needs in relation to how the therapist works can be done very quickly in a phone call.  This doesn’t guarantee that the fit will be right for you, but it can make sure that you are on the right track.

When you meet, is the therapist willing to be transparent about how she works?  Though many of us are, indeed, trained to listen, listen, and listen some more, the first few sessions should be clear and collaborative.  I do want to know your concerns and questions about therapy, and I will help you understand how these are meaningful to you individually, but I also appreciate that you deserve  clear, honest answers to  basic questions about my training and approach.  A therapist who dodges these questions may not have a good theoretical understanding, or may not be someone with whom you will feel at ease.

Does she tell you she wants to hear everything on your mind, including how you feel about her and the sessions themselves?  This is really important, and perhaps one of the most important pieces of a good working alliance.  Your therapist should be not only willing, but eager to hear how you feel about her.  It’s important for your relationship as well as being important information about how you experience the world.  If you say you are uncomfortable about something during the session, she should be eager to address it with you!

When in good hands, the psychotherapeutic experience is a rewarding journey.  It may be painful at times, and you may hit blocks along the way.  It’s crucial to begin with a solid foundation, a shared vision, and as much trust as possible, so that when you hit the inevitable bumps along the way, you can remember why you trusted this person with your emotional well-being in the first place.

As always, I welcome questions!

Timing is Everything

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Timing is Everything: A Realistic Approach to Positive Thinking

“He just doesn’t get it”, “She never really listens to me”, “What is wrong with me? I should be so happy”…
If you’ve ever uttered phrases like these, (and most of us have), you know first-hand what it’s like to be affronted by the well-meaning, but perpetually-out-of-sync friend or relative who is eager to share his or her personal version of “You’re too negative; you have to think positively”. The implication is that if only you adjusted your attitude, all would be well with the world. Even more importantly, the implication is that the elusive gifts of confidence, self-esteem, peace, and happiness would now be yours.

Don’t get me wrong; there may be times when an attitude adjustment is called for and necessary. We can all fall prey to an excess of self-pity…Especially on one of those miserable days when caught in the midst of a downpour without an umbrella and no cab in sight.
But quite frankly, the world has grown a bit too intolerant of anything “negative”. People forget, or don’t realize , that sadness is not depression, and that anxiety is a signal that something else needs to be dealt with. When we feel sad or anxious or see the world through grey lenses, this is a signal that our brain is not fully processing something important. It may be as simple as a recent neglect or an insult by a neighbor, or it may be the culmination of multiple rejections over the years. But if you haven’t had a chance to fully process and understand your hurt, and often anger, these unmetabolized feelings eventually catch up with you.

Most people mean well. When they offer the proverbial “you’re too negative”, they’re not trying to be dismissive; they are usually trying to help. What they don’t realize is that our brains are usually programmed- enough to try to avoid sadness and to present a good front to the world. Hearing an external source of “look on the bright side” only serves to reinforce most people’s self-accusations and shameful feelings, rather than providing the intended opportunity for healing.

So the next time you or someone you care about is feeling down or upset, remember to take a moment and listen…to yourself, to him, to her. First things first. In many instances, the moment passes and the outlook is brighter. At other times, you may find out that more needs to be explored. But in any event, the positivity that emerges will be genuine and realistic, and ultimately more rewarding.